Disillusioned

I'm such an idiot…I've scored my very second job interview and what do I do? I encourage a friend to submit his resume also. No good deed goes unpunished.

I'm so disillusioned anyways. My first interview was pretty much a dead end. From my end, not theirs. I know that I can not step into that position and do well. The one position IS the database admin and programming department. Six years of my friggin' life and upon graduation, I fear will have wasted my time. So I'll be $35,000 in debt and won't even be working in my chosen field. There are plenty of jobs to be had, if you have experience, which I don't have. To make matters worse, I've got NO job. The job I had, no longer needs me since the insurance agency slowed down. My plan was to work there as a back up until I found something. I just feel so down and dejected right now. Oh well.

Gotta Love It!

So I’m was on my way over to class on Tuesday (Feb 14) when the alternator in my car went out. There I was sitting in the road in my dead car bawling my head off like that would help the situation. I did manage to push my car into the gas station parking lot that I was so conveniently next to. Called Steve to come get me and his boss was a total ass about it. The last thing I needed was to talk to him. He did tell me that his wife works a mile down the road but she couldn’t help me. And he was sure to tell me that Steve needed to be back to work ASAP. I don’t make a habit of calling him home from work. Jerk.

We did manage to jump my car, let the battery charge up enough and drove it to the shop. Where it cost me $355 to have it fixed. That did include an oil change and new wiper blades.

It was nice, so I thought maybe I’d take the bike out.  I got my jacket on grabbed the keys. The battery was so dead that it didn’t even attempt to turn over. No click, no sputter. No nothing. I walked out of the garage in disgust and didn’t even bother to put the battery on the charger.

Stuff

Here it is, 10 pm. I’ve been working on this stupid AI assignment all friggin’ day now. (With the exception of my second root canal.) It’s going pretty well. I think I’ve got it all written and now am debugging it. Imagine that – code that I wrote with a bug in it. Ha! I am still pretty far behind. I haven’t even touched my operating systems homework and that one is gonna be hopeless. I did get an A- on my drivel of an essay I turned in this week. Slapped together in about five hours on how literacy impacts culture and vice versa. It was total bunk.

Sometimes it’s hard to come up with a title for my posts because it’s such a hodge pogde of things. Like I’ve been pondering, whom all do I tell about my blog? The more people that know me, the more I have to “watch” what I say about people. That would hinder the expression of my true feelings here. I thought about telling my sister, but then what if I want to gripe about her?

Another question, I’ve been thinking about putting dreadlocks in my hair. I think they look cool, it would be easier to “do” in the morning, and well, there is the shock value of it. Steve likes my hair long, I like it short (because it easier to do), so I figure it would be a good compromise. I went in for parent-teacher conferences and Olivia’s teacher said, “Olivia told me that you were going to dreadlock your hair and homeschool her next year.” I laughed…way to go there little sis, make me sound like a hippie!

And on to yet another topic…Steve’s sister,Kathy, had rotator cuff surgery on Wednesday. She was really anxious about it because of the 6 month recovery time. So we went over there tonight, took a movie and some pizza just to hang with her. It was pretty fun. Steve was asleep on her couch before 8 pm. All I could do was shake my head. Steve and his daughter did not go to the movies because she had volleyball practice tonight. So the problem should be solved, right? Wrong. He thought that it should be and I didn’t really want to get into it. My whole point is that he doesn’t make me a priority. Let me say, that I do understand that I do not always come first. I can’t always be first, but sometimes would be nice. Like spending time with me is not a last resort but something that he does intentionally. Someday all the kids will be grown and gone and it will be just us. He (we) need to make each other a priority so that our relationship is still strong when that time comes.

Sometimes I wonder…we are from such different worlds. Jock meets Geek. I’m the geek. He talks about glory days playing football…well, I was in the band. I got good grades, and there was always that subdued rebellion against the norm.

I know what the root of my problems are right now….I can’t ride. When I ride, I have to completely clear my mind and focus on what I’m doing. The problem is, I didn’t winterize my bike properly. My dad even reminded me but I neglected to add gas stablizer and change the oil drain tube. So the result is oil leaking on the garage floor and condensation in the gas lines. I’ll cross my fingers when I go to fire it up for the first time. There have been plenty of day that I could have taken it out, but I haven’t wanted to go to the trouble of getting it out.

Okay, I’m tired of AI and I am tired of blah blah blahing so I’m going to bed.

Looking for Work

Just when it seems like I’m climbing out of this hole (instead of digging), I get smacked in the face with a grave-robbing shovel. So, I managed to get my Artificial Intelligence homework turned in. Working on my essay for Composition. Gonna start the the next AI assignment and then the Operating Systems. Yeah! I’m fired up….

Then I get fired. Got an email from my boss, who is also my brother in law. Here’s how it goes (keep in mind I only work on Fridays because of school):

Amanda,
Would you be terribly upset if we didn’t have you come in on Friday’s? At the present time, we just aren’t that busy and there is no need for you to come in and just sit. I hope you understand. If things pick up and we need you, I’ll let you know. You do a great job when you are here and you are very professional. I’ve told Jamie several times that I wish I had about 3 of you. Let me know if this decision creates a problem.

Okay, so I didn’t really get fired, but I’m still kinda bummed. I saw the handwriting on the wall several weeks ago when I had nothing to do but sit at my desk and surf the ‘net while waiting for the phone to ring. Last Friday I called in and asked if they really needed me and, big surprise, they didn’t. Now the question is, do I look for a part time job for now, while I continue looking for a permanent-post college graduation gig?

Now on to what is really stuck in my craw. My husband’s birthday is Thursday. He’s going to be 41. We don’t have kids this weekend so I thought we’d get to go out grab a bite to eat, maybe see a movie or find something else fun to do…but no. Friday night, his oldest daughter (13) wants to take him to a movie for to celebrate his birthday. They have a strange relationship. She writes him notes in school. When I was 13, I wrote notes to my friends – not my dad. Saturday afternoon, I am having my son’s birthday party with his friend. (We’re going to play paintball.) Steve’s mom wants to take us to dinner and the only possible night is Saturday night. The trouble is that Bryce’s party doesn’t end until 6. So looks like they are going to dinner without me. Sunday is out because my mom already spoke for that day. I let Steve know that if things go this way, then we won’t get to do anything for his birthday much less see each other this weekend. His response was “What do you want me to do about it?” I told him that the easiest thing to do is tell his wife no. In all seriousness, that is what is going to happen. That is what has always happened in similar situations. Well, I do see a solution. But seeing as everyone in the house (and Steve’s ex) lack the logic part of their brains and have to borrow mine, they can’t see it. Seems so freakin’ obvious….let see, he’s free Saturday afternoon while the birthday party is going on…maybe they could go see the movie then and we could have Friday night. But right now we are speaking…so there. (yes, I know that is childish and immature and I’ll regret it later.) Looks like I’ll have plenty of time to work on homework on Friday (all day and all night) and Saturday night. Oh poo!